Ask Jen
If there are issues or questions you have that you would like help thinking through, send them to me using the form below.
I just graduated from art school and am trying to decide what to do next professionally. need some help understanding the differences between my values and strengths. I feel like I want to be a better artist - I really value beauty and want to create it, but I am not very good at painting or any of the other genres I've tried. In school I did great talking about art, but my paintings weren't as good as the other students. I don't feel like it's a strength of mine. So, am I better off trying to follow my strengths or my values? I'm very good at business and sales and know I could get a job as an artist rep or at a gallery. But it's my dream to continue to paint. What should I do? - Melissa
Hi Melissa,
These are important questions, and as much as I'm sure it would be wonderful to have someone wave a magic wand (or paint brush) and be able to tell you what to do, the answers are going to rest within you. I can give you some more questions to think about though. First, I'm curious to understand more about your value of beauty. How do you value beauty as a presence in a finished piece of art? What do you find beautiful in the process when you're creating the art? When you envision your dream of painting, what do you visualize? What do you see yourself doing in your imagination? What about that feels most wonderful and alive for you?
Also you mention that you're good at business. What a wonderful strength to have! - these are skills that will serve you well whatever course you take in life. I'm guessing that part of you does love the business end of things. What do you find alive about that? What do you enjoy about it?
It's not my role as coach to offer advice, but I do feel that you have your unique set of values for a reason, so my encouragement is to continue to deepen your awareness of them - to get to the heart what it is about painting that is so important to you. That doesn't mean that it is an either/or in terms of your next steps professionally.
It must have been hard to go through art school comparing your work to other students and feeling that it didn't measure up. I'm curious about what that was like for you and what your inner "art critic" has to say on a bad-day. It kind of sounds to me like maybe that critic can get in the way of your confidence and joy. Are there ways to put your inner critic in service to you better, to help you create paintings that you love?
I'd be delighted to talk with you more about this. Your life is a canvass that you are going to paint beautifully!
Joyfully,
Jen
Hi Melissa,
These are important questions, and as much as I'm sure it would be wonderful to have someone wave a magic wand (or paint brush) and be able to tell you what to do, the answers are going to rest within you. I can give you some more questions to think about though. First, I'm curious to understand more about your value of beauty. How do you value beauty as a presence in a finished piece of art? What do you find beautiful in the process when you're creating the art? When you envision your dream of painting, what do you visualize? What do you see yourself doing in your imagination? What about that feels most wonderful and alive for you?
Also you mention that you're good at business. What a wonderful strength to have! - these are skills that will serve you well whatever course you take in life. I'm guessing that part of you does love the business end of things. What do you find alive about that? What do you enjoy about it?
It's not my role as coach to offer advice, but I do feel that you have your unique set of values for a reason, so my encouragement is to continue to deepen your awareness of them - to get to the heart what it is about painting that is so important to you. That doesn't mean that it is an either/or in terms of your next steps professionally.
It must have been hard to go through art school comparing your work to other students and feeling that it didn't measure up. I'm curious about what that was like for you and what your inner "art critic" has to say on a bad-day. It kind of sounds to me like maybe that critic can get in the way of your confidence and joy. Are there ways to put your inner critic in service to you better, to help you create paintings that you love?
I'd be delighted to talk with you more about this. Your life is a canvass that you are going to paint beautifully!
Joyfully,
Jen
Hi. I like your site and this course. I'm in my third week, but to be honest, I haven't finished the first week, so I'm falling behind. I just don't see how I can re-ignite the values in my life. I mean, I used to get up every day with a sense of excitement and anticipation, like the first week of summer after school got out. Endless possibilities. I went to college, got a good job, found a guy, got married and now we have two kids. Those endless days of summer are like so gone. "Growing up" and "being responsible" have just snuffed out any expectation that I can have of having those things that once excited me in my life. I get up, get the kids breakfast, dressed, do errands, give them time to play while I slog the laundry, off to pre-school (which isn't long enough to really do anything for me!) and back again, fighting over naps, and then trying to get dinner on the table.
So, I sat down and tried to do the exercises you mentioned. Yes, I can remember days where I sat on the beach, so relaxed, the sun warming my face after I put my book down. The water's horizon was like my horizon -- I thought I had anything in front of me that I could imagine. Or, I remember the times my then-boyfiend-now-husband and I went biking through Napa Valley, laughing and joking about silly things and never having a worry. It was fun and free! We didn't care. It was just us. Let it rain on us...or shine, it didn't matter. But now, we can't do those things. There's no time and there's no money for it. I feel like I'm trapped in my mother's life!
What am I missing here? Or, is this as good as it gets? You know, I don't want to sound like a whiner, but it's like a fog has moved while I was sitting on the beach and I can only see out to sea about 100 yards or so. - Katelyn
Hi Katelyn,
'm glad you like the course and feel free to do it at your own pace. I think that's more valuable than not giving each week it's fair focus.
It sounds like you have a wonderful list of values that can be extracted from your post: possibility, excitement, anticipation, excitement, warmth, and being care-free. I can imagine that all of these are present on the faces of your children each day, but that if you aren't getting some time for your self, it's not always easy to see them. It's wonderful that you are doing something for you by investing time in your self by taking this course.
It also seems to me like in order to experience your values more in the day-to-day you might benefit from some exploration with different perspectives on your life, that perhaps even more than a relaxing trip to the beach you could use a mind-shift on the excitement and possibility you feel within your everyday life. Why don't you start by exploring more what you mean by "Your Mother's Life." What does that mean to you? How does it feel? Really try it on and get familiar with those feelings, as uncomfortable as they may be. What do you discover there?
Then acknowledge that it is only one perspective, one way of looking at your life. And feel free to try another one. For example, what would "a day at the beach" be like as your perspective on how you show up today with your kids. What would that feel like? Is there a little more space to enjoy yourself, if you imagine that rather than being your mother, you're being your young self at the beach while you get breakfast ready? Is it more fun?
What other perspectives might you try? You get to choose.
Warmly,
Jen
So, I sat down and tried to do the exercises you mentioned. Yes, I can remember days where I sat on the beach, so relaxed, the sun warming my face after I put my book down. The water's horizon was like my horizon -- I thought I had anything in front of me that I could imagine. Or, I remember the times my then-boyfiend-now-husband and I went biking through Napa Valley, laughing and joking about silly things and never having a worry. It was fun and free! We didn't care. It was just us. Let it rain on us...or shine, it didn't matter. But now, we can't do those things. There's no time and there's no money for it. I feel like I'm trapped in my mother's life!
What am I missing here? Or, is this as good as it gets? You know, I don't want to sound like a whiner, but it's like a fog has moved while I was sitting on the beach and I can only see out to sea about 100 yards or so. - Katelyn
Hi Katelyn,
'm glad you like the course and feel free to do it at your own pace. I think that's more valuable than not giving each week it's fair focus.
It sounds like you have a wonderful list of values that can be extracted from your post: possibility, excitement, anticipation, excitement, warmth, and being care-free. I can imagine that all of these are present on the faces of your children each day, but that if you aren't getting some time for your self, it's not always easy to see them. It's wonderful that you are doing something for you by investing time in your self by taking this course.
It also seems to me like in order to experience your values more in the day-to-day you might benefit from some exploration with different perspectives on your life, that perhaps even more than a relaxing trip to the beach you could use a mind-shift on the excitement and possibility you feel within your everyday life. Why don't you start by exploring more what you mean by "Your Mother's Life." What does that mean to you? How does it feel? Really try it on and get familiar with those feelings, as uncomfortable as they may be. What do you discover there?
Then acknowledge that it is only one perspective, one way of looking at your life. And feel free to try another one. For example, what would "a day at the beach" be like as your perspective on how you show up today with your kids. What would that feel like? Is there a little more space to enjoy yourself, if you imagine that rather than being your mother, you're being your young self at the beach while you get breakfast ready? Is it more fun?
What other perspectives might you try? You get to choose.
Warmly,
Jen