I’m reminded of the ever popular tune by the Rolling Stones every day as I play with my 14 month old. In between smiles and hugs and kisses and laughter and happiness, she, on occasion, kicks and strikes the floor in fits of temper because I won’t let her have my cell phone or throws food because she doesn’t prefer what I’ve made for breakfast.   I’ve been told that one of my jobs as a parent is to hold these boundaries with her so she doesn’t grow up spoiled - that she must learn self control and that she can’t always get what she wants.

It’s a reality in life.  While as adults we tell ourselves that not getting everything we want is character forming and that patience makes us better people, it’s tough for many of my clients, who are committed to living their best possible lives, to determine when they should adjust with life’s many compromises and when to hold fast to their desires. 

There’s a bridge that is built between what they want and what they can get. A 50-year old person is not going to be 24 again, no matter how much they may desire.  But the 50 year old can find a balance by working hard to stay fit, enjoying the current nature of their sexual desires, and celebrating each day with the vigor and freshness of youth.  Yet in so doing, they must embrace self sacrifice, make compromises and have patience, compassion for themselves and others.  It’s a lot of hard work.

And still, success isn’t guaranteed.

As I work with people who seek to live authentically, their comments often turn to the paradox of seeking to shape their lives and acting consciously.  The fiercest desires can be thwarted by the universe as it unfolds.  The stock market plummets, illnesses are diagnosed, and adult children get in to trouble. Some of my clients are tempted to surrender to the obstacles thrown in their pathways and abandon their goals for a fresh life.  Or, they feel like their life will begin when they eventually succeed - and don't experience every day joy until then.

The discussion often turns to where do you draw the line when something you’re struggling to create in your life does not come forward due to events seemingly beyond your control and when do you push forward regardless?  Where do you balance between having realistic expectations and striving for the life you dream about?

I believe our success has a lot to do with how highly connected we are with our spirits and how deeply we connect within our bodies and psyches.  From within us, we can unleash tremendous energy and allow our intentions and desires spring forth.  We have the greatest chance of bringing forth what we want to manifest when what we are in alignment with our deepest, purest and most true selves.

For the toddler, most of the need to hold the cell phone is from the surface (yes there is a deeper need to emulate Mom and for connection) but the phone itself is a pretty toy – not  a genuine need of her soul.  As a mom, I’m easily able to shift the desire for the phone by engaging in conversation with her and with lots of hugs.

When we sink in deeply to who are at our essence and create from that space - we come closer to aligning the flow of the universe with our own desires.  Our own energy and that of nature and spirit are not working with cross purposes.  Our efforts become part of the flow of the universe.

For the 50 year old, it comes down to recognizing what one really valued about youth, to wean out the ego’s desires from the soul’s desires.  It isn’t about looking attractive – it’s about the sense of having limitless time, the entire future of one’s life ahead of one and the innocence of thinking that life is going to be an endless adventure.  It’s about matching the purity of action of our youth with the purity of purpose of our age.  The middle aged person recognizes that this is all still true – it’s just different now.

Efforts to gain this alignment may not work all the time.  So, when that does not seem to happen and when there are road blocks interfering with progress or process, what shows up for you?  Is it a stuck feeling?  Perhaps impatience? 

If your answer to this situation is to try to push harder, what is your impression when the universe pushes back?  What if instead, you practiced trusting the universe as you reach deep within you and question how your intentions and that which is flowing through your life can coalesce?  Perhaps the reality will be that you get what you desire, but perhaps just not when you desire?  What other lessons might show up for you to learn?  To do so, what parts of your self do you need to draw forth?  What internal resistance haven’t you looked at?

For my 14 month old, I’m sure she’d feels like she’s singing another Stones classic:  “I can’t get no sat-is-faction.”  I look forward to the day with her, as with others around me, when she can reflect and meditate on drawing from within her essence and the goodness of her being and add that to the world around her.  At that time, we all will get  what we want.