In his book, “Beyond the Mountain”, renown alpinist Steve House wrote, “The depth of any story is proportionate to the protagonist’s commitment to their goal, the complexity of the problem, and the grace of the solution”. 

I like this sentiment because it points to something I’ve noticed about people.  Those who have risen to the challenges in their lives tend to have richer characters and personalities than those who have not been tested or who shy away from challenges. 

People whose characters I admire often embody a blend of complementary qualities - toughness and compassion, depth and levity, surrender and commitment, confidence and humility, and patience and action. And this blending and balancing is something most people are not born with.  It is forged through experience and through living through – and even thriving in the midst of – challenging experiences.

A number of my coaching clients are going through some fairly intense personal, professional and familial challenges right now.  It’s like the universe is stirring up the pot of life a little more vigorously than usual.  Some of my clients are in the midst of major changes that are flowing as easily or quickly as desired. For others, there are major relationship challenges or someone they dearly love is going through difficult times.  

As a coach, my clients come to me because they want to live fulfilling lives.  But what does it mean to be fulfilled when dealing with experiences that are leaden with loss or discomfort?  What is it to want to be happy in the midst of suffering? And what about dealing with circumstances that are seemingly completely beyond one’s control?

I suggest that these types of life challenges are not supposed to be facile.  Whether it’s leaving a marriage or moving to a new location (my own story of the summer), such challenges are complex and have weight.  And it’s supposed to be that way.  It’s not about getting on with life right away or about always being happy.  It’s about being present to the fullness of what each moment brings.  These challenges give meaning and depth to life.

My clients who are handling their current challenges most gracefully are those who give themselves the time and space to experience the “both and” of their situations.  What I mean by that is they are able to be with whatever it is in life that they are mourning and accept that as part of where they are. 

And at the same time, they are also open to what is possible as things evolve and change.

It’s about being where you are now, and also about being open to what is still possible.

No matter of the intensity of the situation, consider what is to be learned in this situation.  What is it about this challenge that offers the opportunity for you to reach within your self and flourish?  What have you been shying away from? What is being asked of you now? What are your core values - that which pulls you forward, that which is the highest and deepest and grandest expression of your true and unique self?   What are you here to do?

In theology, grace is often defined as being under divine influence, or allowing the divine to flow through one.  I agree with this whole-heartedly.  To be graceful in life is to allow what is most divine in you to shine forth.  Nowhere is this as important was when handling life’s challenges.

No one says it as well as Rilke: “What is required of us is that we love the difficult and learn to deal with it. In the difficult are the friendly forces, the hands that work on us. Right in the difficult we must have our joys, our happiness, our dreams: there against the depth of this background, they stand out, there for the first time we see how beautiful they are.”